June 2012. I quit.
I packed my computer into the boot of my car along with a box of unused stationery, my mug, kettle and half a pot of teabags.
I handed the keys back to the office I had rented and left.
Never felt more of a failure than I did in that moment.
Never felt more unworthy of attention. Never felt more invisible. Never felt more undeserving of success.
Those feelings had defined me for 25 years. Since the age of 7. Where, sat on my parents bed I watched my brother open a birthday present from our grandparents. A new scalextric and £20 note taped to the box. I was confused. Three months earlier, for my birthday, they sent me a pair of socks. My parents told me ‘it was just their way’. That my Grandfather’s cultural beliefs were ‘boys were more important than girls’.
Aged 15, sat in the school career advisor’s office. We were talking about my dream of being a criminologist. Stunned silence, paper shuffling. ‘Becky your grades aren’t good enough. Perhaps look at a career path that doesn’t need such intelligence’.
Aged 21. Hand in the air responding to my lecturers question. The lecturer who had taught me for three years, in a small class of 20. Who looked at me quizzically. ‘Who are you? What’s your name? Are you in the right class?’ Invisible.
Aged 31. Sat in my office, at my own desk. Fulfilling my dream of being the leader in my own business. Cursor hovering over the send button. But pressing delete. Who was I kidding. I wasn’t good enough – remember?
Editing powerful messages I’d written because I was scared of being criticised. I wasn’t worthy – remember?
Sitting at the back of a networking group and excusing myself after the presentation because I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want attention. I was invisible – remember?
Aged 31. Half a pot of teabags sat next to me in the car. It was too late. Unworthy. Undeserving. Unsuccessful. Invisible. It had all resulted in one thing. Failure.
As I drove away it hit me.
This was my choice. This was MY choice. I could choose to be unworthy. I could choose to be a failure. I could choose to be invisible. It wasn’t too late. I had a choice.
And so do you.
I now believe in myself, my expertise and my gifts, my super powers. I combine over 16 years communications experience working for some of the World’s biggest organisations with lessons I learnt failing and now succeeding in my own business. This combined wealth of knowledge is yours when you work with me.
Live with passion, purpose and determination.
Communicate honestly and fairly.
Be humble, grateful and respectful.
Embrace growth and learning, never be satisfied with ‘just good enough’.
Take responsibility, ownership and pride.
Be curious, adventurous and creative.