I was a happy child. In fact at the dance school I went to I was given the nick-name Smiler. I was told I had a light and happy aura.
But as I grew older I learnt to be fearful. I ‘learnt’ through interactions with others that I was not worthy, not good enough for dreams that I had. I became a good actress. Externally, I would smile, look happy and have the appearance of having it all together. But internally, and behind closed doors, I was fretting, worrying. Was I good enough to get the job I wanted? Was the work I was doing alright? Was I worthy of my boyfriends love?
I judged and criticised myself. I questioned almost every decision I made (if I was confident enough to even make a decision). I was fearful, afraid everything I imagined was going to happen. From as extreme as dying in a car crash and my husband leaving me, to making the wrong decision about what we would have for dinner. I was scared everything I feared was going to happen, would happen.
And to be honest, some of it did. I was so caught up in the thought I would lose my job, that I was made redundant. I was so anxious my husband (then boyfriend) was going to leave me, he very nearly did. I saw the negative in everything. I procrastinated and found excuses to not do stuff. To not go out socialising when friends asked me, to not succeeding at launching a business because I was scared to fail.
One day, I came across an article in a tatty magazine in my dentists waiting room ‘What you think and believe will become your reality’. It talked about how, if we let it, listen to it and believe it, then the negative little voice that fills us with self doubt, anxiety, that makes us feel unworthy and not good enough will convince us that this is all true. And reality becomes what we thought and were afraid of.
It was as if a higher force had placed that article there for me. It was like I was seeing with my eyes open for the first time. I was asking the universe for all of this negativity to happen. And when it did, it sent me spiralling in a cloud of anxiety and worry.
My husband used to tell my that I see the bad, the negative in everything. He was right. Because of my values and beliefs, I was not only creating a negative, anxious life for me and my family, but I was missing out on so much happiness too.
I promised myself, in that Dentists waiting room, I would change. I would do everything in my power to be positive, happy and successful. So I bought books, and became a frequent member of our local library. I took courses and absorbed as much information as I could.
- I relearnt how to be positive and happy, embracing my inner child.
- I looked back to my past to uncover where my negative beliefs stemmed from and worked to remove those, replacing them with new habits, values and beliefs.
- I learnt about the law of attraction and how to use it to relieve stress and anxiety.
- I learnt about meditation and how it can calm the body, mind and soul.
- I learnt about visualisation and how to use it to visualise a happy and successful life.
- I learnt about and created strategies and tools to help get me out of the spiral of negative thinking and to use when I had low moments.
I won’t lie. There were some pretty rough times and there was a lot of ugly crying. But what got me through was my desire. A desire to have a future that was better, happier, more peaceful, successful. Balanced.
And it is.
Intrigued by my story?
Are you afraid to put yourself out there because you don’t feel good enough or are scared of failing?
Do you procrastinate but don’t know why?
Do you lie awake at night mulling over everything from life’s worries to what you’ll have for lunch tomorrow?
Do you wish you could quieten your over active, chatty little mind?
OMG. I totally get you.
I’m offering a free 45 minute introductory call where we can chat about what’s holding you back from being truly happy and successful. To find out more click here.
Or alternatively you can check out how I can help you here.