It wasn’t so long ago that I struggled with low self-confidence. I would seek assurance and approval in almost everything I did.
‘Does this dress make me look big’
‘Do I have too much make up on’
‘Does my hair look ok’
‘Was that piece of work right?’
‘Am I a good parent?’
I was stuck in a negative mindset that affected the way I thought about myself. And I found myself using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ a lot too.
‘I’ll never get it right’
‘I’ll never lose my baby weight’
‘I’m always getting things wrong’
My negative mindset, low confidence and self-esteem, created a sense of entrapment and hopelessness. And thinking this way kept meant I gave up from trying again, or even trying something for the first time. It made it too easy to give up.
When you lack self-confidence you can feel isolated as you assume that everyone else is succeeding and happily confident in everything they do. You may feel like you don’t have anything of value to contribute, whether it’s to your workplace, relationships, or something else.
‘I am a complete failure’
No one fails at every single thing; but there were times, when my confidence was very low, that it seemed that way. It often felt like everything I’d ever tried had failed, even when it wasn’t actually true.
‘I could never do that’
I would look at other people who had success and happiness and would wish I could have it too. If you lack self-confidence, you may have the above reaction. Instead of being inspired and wanting to create that lifestyle for yourself, you look at that person and get depressed, thinking you could never have what they have.
But these thoughts and mindset can be overcome.
In order to overcome these destructive mindsets that lead to low confidence, it’s necessary to reprogram and relearn your thought processes. I used these five ways to kick start my journey and it made a massive difference to my confidence levels.
- Avoid negativity and absorb positivity.
So this can be hard, especially if you find yourself surrounded by negative people and aren’t feeling confident and positive yourself. However… to start moving in the positive direction try and avoid negative people. And negative situations. If you find yourself thinking negatively, try and replace it with a positive thought I.e. instead of ‘I will never get it right’ stop and think, ‘I have trouble with this, but if I keep trying and seek out the right help, I know I can succeed’. Rather than ‘I could never do that’ think ‘I would love to do that! There’s no reason why I can’t have that lifestyle if I work at it’.
- Change your body language and smile 🙂
Pull back your shoulders and stand tall. Think about how this makes you feel. And smile, laugh. Smiling and laughing helps make us feel better. Which in turn helps us feel confident. When you talk to someone, make sure you look them in the eye and speak slowly. Research shows that people who speak slowly are more confident!
- Don’t accept failure
Remember there is a solution to everything. Why would you want to give up when you could succeed, the feeling of doing and succeeding is motivating which will help boost your confidence. If you can’t do it yourself, seek help and work with someone to succeed! And if you find you make a mistake, it isn’t the end of the world. Learn from it.
- Be prepared
It’s hard to be confident if you’re always second guessing yourself. So be prepared. Think of life as if you’re taking an exam. If you’ve not studied, you’ll not be confident in passing. But by being prepared and studying you’ll have the confidence in your ability to do well.
- Set small goals
Don’t try and conquer the mountain in one go. Break down what you’re doing into small manageable tasks. The feeling you’ll get when you accomplish something, no matter how small, will boost your confidence!
Like everything in life, you can do it if you set realistic goals and have confidence in yourself! If you are struggling with any negative self-talk and low confidence like I once did, drop me a line and let’s get you on the path to happy.