Feed your mind with positivity

I came across an old folk story the other day, which I wanted to share with you.

An old cherokee told his Grandson “my Son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.  One is evil, it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, ego and worry.  The other is good.  It is peace, joy, love, humility, kindness, empathy and truth”.

The Grandson thought about it a while and asked “Grandfather, which wolf wins the battle?”

The old man quietly replied “the one you feed”.

Whatever we hold in our minds will be what we are, will be what happens.  If we let our minds be fuelled with worry, ego, lies, greed, anger or resentment then our lives will be the same.  Yet, if we fuel and feed our minds with positivity, peace, humility, and the like, then our lives will become enriched with happiness, joy and kindness.

If we continue to believe as we have always believed, we will continue to act as we have always acted.  And we will continue to get what we have always got.

If we want something different.  If we want happiness, joy, peace and success, all we have to do is change our mind.

Be happy,

 

Six steps to quieten the chatty, negative little voice inside your head

I (still) have a very active and chatty live voice who lives inside my head. To be fair, he (as I’ve given him a gender) is quieter now than ever before. But only because I’ve learnt when I will listen to him, learnt when to pay him attention. More importantly, I have learnt when to tell him to shut up.

Several years ago, I started a new job. My desk was positioned about 8 feet diagonally from my boss. When she spoke in a normal voice, I could hear everything she said. When she spoke quietly, I could only pick up the occasional word.

The little voice who lives inside my head told me whenever she was talking quietly, it was because she was talking about me. Because she didn’t want me to hear. And that got me worried, anxious. Was I doing something wrong? So I started seeking her constant approval in everything I did.

I asked her dozens of questions, I sought her guidance and approval. I sought her praise. All to reassure me and the little voice who lives inside my head that I was good enough and deserving of the job she had given me. Two months later, there was an organisational announcement. She was being promoted and was taking on another team. She apologised to us all for the ‘secret meetings’ and ‘quiet side of desk conversations’.

And then it clicked. It had nothing to do with me. The little voice who lives inside my head, had convinced me that the secret meetings and quiet side of desk conversations were all about me and my inabilities. I was so caught up in that belief I didn’t pay attention to the facts, the truth. I had been given that job because of my skills and experience, she had never shown any doubt in my ability, I had been making steady progress. There was no factual evidence to assume there was anything wrong.

He’d got me again – good and proper.

Today, I am more experienced in handling him. He still rears his head now and again, but when he does I have a tried and tested way to deal with it. And I want to share those steps with you,,, use it to judge whether your negative little voice is worth listening to or whether he or she needs to be told to ‘SHUT UP’.

1. Listen
What are you feeling, what do you hear? What is the voice telling you?

2. Question
Is there factual evidence to prove these feelings and is what your mind is telling you right. Is it accurate?

3. Act
If there is evidence, act accordingly.

4. Challenge and ‘Shut up’
If there is no evidence to substantiate these feelings, challenge. What would happen if you did it anyway? What would life be like if you didn’t listen? Then tell your mind to shut up… saying it out loud can make a big difference!

5. Grab a dose of positivity or happiness
Right there and then find something happy or positive to think about. If you’re struggling like I was at work, find something that you’d done well and recall that feeling. Go and grab a tea or coffee with a friend or colleague. Looking at cute and fluffy baby animals or reading / watching something that will make you smile or laugh is great.

6. Distract
Move onto something else quickly and pay the little voice no more attention.

It takes a bit of time and practice to master this, as our minds have become quite strong in self doubt and negativity. But persevere and if you ever have any questions, drop me an email, I am on hand to help.

Be happy,

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Who am I and how did I get here?

I was a happy child. In fact at the dance school I went to I was given the nick-name Smiler.  I was told I had a light and happy aura.

But as I grew older I learnt to be fearful.  I ‘learnt’ through interactions with others that I was not worthy, not good enough for dreams that I had.  I became a good actress.  Externally, I would smile, look happy and have the appearance of having it all together.  But internally, and behind closed doors, I was fretting, worrying.  Was I good enough to get the job I wanted? Was the work I was doing alright?  Was I worthy of my boyfriends love?

I judged and criticised myself. I questioned almost every decision I made (if I was confident  enough to even make a decision).  I was fearful, afraid everything I imagined was going to happen.   From as extreme as dying in a car crash and my husband leaving me, to making the wrong decision about what we would have for dinner.  I was scared everything I feared was going to happen, would happen.

And to be honest, some of it did. I was so caught up in the thought I would lose my job, that I was made redundant.  I was so anxious my husband (then boyfriend) was going to leave me, he very nearly did.  I saw the negative in everything. I procrastinated and found excuses to not do stuff.  To not go out socialising when friends asked me, to not succeeding at launching a business because I was scared to fail.

One day, I came across an article in a tatty magazine in my dentists waiting room ‘What you think and believe will become your reality’.  It talked about how, if we let it, listen to it and believe it, then the negative little voice that fills us with self doubt, anxiety, that makes us feel unworthy and not good enough will convince us that this is all true.  And reality becomes what we thought and were afraid of.

It was as if a higher force had placed that article there for me.  It was like I was seeing with my eyes open for the first time.  I was asking the universe for all of this negativity to happen.  And when it did, it sent me spiralling in a cloud of anxiety and worry.

My husband used to tell my that I see the bad, the negative in everything.  He was right. Because of my values and beliefs, I was not only creating a negative, anxious life for me and my family, but I was missing out on so much happiness too.

I promised myself, in that Dentists waiting room, I would change.  I would do everything in my power to be positive, happy and successful.  So I bought books, and became a frequent member of our local library.  I took courses and absorbed as much information as I could.

  • I relearnt how to be positive and happy, embracing my inner child.
  • I looked back to my past to uncover where my negative beliefs stemmed from and worked to remove those, replacing them with new habits, values and beliefs.
  • I learnt about the law of attraction and how to use it to relieve stress and anxiety.
  • I learnt about meditation and how it can calm the body, mind and soul.
  • I learnt about visualisation and how to use it to visualise a happy and successful life.
  • I learnt about and created strategies and tools to help get me out of the spiral of negative thinking and to use when I had low moments.

I won’t lie.  There were some pretty rough times and there was a lot of ugly crying. But what got me through was my desire.  A desire to have a future that was better, happier, more peaceful, successful.  Balanced.

And it is.


Intrigued by my story?

Are you afraid to put yourself out there because you don’t feel good enough or are scared of failing?

Do you procrastinate but don’t know why?

Do you lie awake at night mulling over everything from life’s worries to what you’ll have for lunch tomorrow?

Do you wish you could quieten your over active, chatty little mind?

OMG. I totally get you.

I’m offering a free 45 minute introductory call where we can chat about what’s holding you back from being truly happy and successful.  To find out more click here.

Or alternatively you can check out how I can help you here.

Becky signature

Use these 5 powerful ways to overcome low self-confidence.

It wasn’t so long ago that I struggled with low self-confidence.  I would seek assurance and approval in almost everything I did.

‘Does this dress make me look big’
‘Do I have too much make up on’
‘Does my hair look ok’
‘Was that piece of work right?’
‘Am I a good parent?’

I was stuck in a negative mindset that affected the way I thought about myself. And I found myself using words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ a lot too.

‘I’ll never get it right’
‘I’ll never lose my baby weight’
‘I’m always getting things wrong’

My negative mindset, low confidence and self-esteem, created a sense of entrapment and hopelessness.   And thinking this way kept meant I gave up from trying again, or even trying something for the first time. It made it too easy to give up.

When you lack self-confidence you can feel isolated as you assume that everyone else is succeeding and happily confident in everything they do.  You may feel like you don’t have anything of value to contribute, whether it’s to your workplace, relationships, or something else.

‘I am a complete failure’

No one fails at every single thing; but there were times, when my confidence was very low, that it seemed that way.   It often felt like everything I’d ever tried had failed, even when it wasn’t actually true.

‘I could never do that’

I would look at other people who had success and happiness and would wish I could have it too.   If you lack self-confidence, you may have the above reaction. Instead of being inspired and wanting to create that lifestyle for yourself, you look at that person and get depressed, thinking you could never have what they have.

But these thoughts and mindset can be overcome.

In order to overcome these destructive mindsets that lead to low confidence, it’s necessary to reprogram and relearn your thought processes.  I used these five ways to kick start my journey and it made a massive difference to my confidence levels.

  1. Avoid negativity and absorb positivity.

So this can be hard, especially if you find yourself surrounded by negative people and aren’t feeling confident and positive yourself.  However… to start moving in the positive direction try and avoid negative people. And negative situations. If you find yourself thinking negatively, try and replace it with a positive thought I.e. instead of ‘I will never get it right’ stop and think, ‘I have trouble with this, but if I keep trying and seek out the right help, I know I can succeed’.  Rather than ‘I could never do that’ think ‘I would love to do that! There’s no reason why I can’t have that lifestyle if I work at it’.

  1. Change your body language and smile 🙂

Pull back your shoulders and stand tall.  Think about how this makes you feel.  And smile, laugh.  Smiling and laughing helps make us feel better. Which in turn helps us feel confident. When you talk to someone, make sure you look them in the eye and speak slowly.  Research shows that people who speak slowly are more confident!

  1. Don’t accept failure

Remember there is a solution to everything.  Why would you want to give up when you could succeed, the feeling of doing and succeeding is motivating which will help boost your confidence.  If you can’t do it yourself, seek help and work with someone to succeed!  And if you find you make a mistake, it isn’t the end of the world.  Learn from it.

  1. Be prepared

It’s hard to be confident if you’re always second guessing yourself.  So be prepared.  Think of life as if you’re taking an exam. If you’ve not studied, you’ll not be confident in passing. But by being prepared and studying you’ll have the confidence in your ability to do well.

  1. Set small goals

Don’t try and conquer the mountain in one go.  Break down what you’re doing into small manageable tasks.  The feeling you’ll get when you accomplish something, no matter how small, will boost your confidence!

Like everything in life, you can do it if you set realistic goals and have confidence in yourself!  If you are struggling with any negative self-talk and low confidence like I once did, drop me a line and let’s get you on the path to happy.

#365truehappiness project

I’ve been pretty absent over the last few weeks due to the holiday season. I hope you all had wonderful holidays and a happy new year to you and your families.

As you’ll know from previous posts I recently realised that the business I was developing wasn’t aligned to my true desires, my true passion and I had been fighting it trying to be something I was not.  So I gave myself a serious talking to and over the last 6-8 weeks I’ve been building my new business from complete scratch. This has been daunting, but super exciting.

I’ve rebranded myself as a happiness and success coach. What does this really mean?  Well my business is built on my passion and desire to help people release fear, worry, anxiety and negative thinking from their lives; to remove the chatty, negative little voice inside their mind and find the true happiness and success they know they are destined to have.

#365truehappiness Project
On 1st Jan 2017 I started a personal, daily challenge which I hope will encourage others to find their true happiness and success.  Each day on Instagram (beckystrafford) and on my Facebook page (beckystraffordcoach) I will be posting one thing that has made me feel happy that day using the hashtag #365truehappiness.  This has already started so by searching this hashtag on Instagram or Facebook you’ll be able to see what people are saying.

I am on a mission to get as many people on this journey with me as possible.  So, if you want to take part all you have to do is post on social media using the hashtag #365truehappiness. Feel free to tag me in your posts too.

Why am I doing this?
Because we spend too much time weighed down with anxiety, negative thinking and worry and this prevents us from being the truly happy person we should be. And because in spending just a few minutes everyday thinking of something that makes us happy can turn our negative thoughts and emotions into positive ones. Over time, these positive thoughts and emotions will become habit and we start to lose the negativity and worry and gain true happiness.

If I can make a difference to just one persons life on this quest I will be overjoyed.

If you don’t want to take part, but want to follow me – like my FB or Instagram page as that’s where I hang out most.

If you want to join in, check out my Instagram or Facebook page for more info or hit reply, I’m ready to help!

Becky xxx